A Rhetoric of Wild Hearts
by Black Cherry Coca Cola Lolita
Summary: Elomine spent 6 years as a wolf. The lonesome journey almost ended her life. But then a voice whispered in her ear, "Fight for me, I love you." Although alive, her humanity is as distant as her faded memories as one. Can Embry help her phase back? R&R!
1. Prologue

Werewolf by Cat Power

Oh the werewolf, oh the werewolf  
Comes stepping along  
He don't even break the branches where he's gone  
Once I saw him in the moonlight, when the bats were a flying  
I saw the werewolf, and the werewolf was crying  
Crying nobody knows, nobody knows, body knows  
How I loved the man, as I teared off his clothes.  
Crying nobody know, nobody knows my pain  
When I see that its risen; that full moon again  
For the werewolf, for the werewolf has sympathy  
For the werewolf, somebody like you and me.  
And only he goes to me, man this little flute I play.  
All through the night, until the light of day, and we are doomed to play.  
For the werewolf, for the werewolf, has sympathy  
For the werewolf, somebody like you and me.


	2. Drowning in the World of Normalcy

Elomine Watson, I was a lone wolf drowning in the world of normalcy. I grew up not knowing the existence of other nonhuman species. I never shared my alter self with any other. But this secrecy leads to isolation. Afraid to express emotion that may stimulate my feral side. Fearing intimacy that would expose the truth. Avoiding bonds that may burden my soul. I was home schooled until I was eighteen. Without a sense of belonging, I had no desire for college or work. What is the point? To pretend? My parents saw depression not the desperation to escape from the undisputed truth: I am different. I am alone.

This somber way of thinking drove me out of the place where I resided not lived. I wrote a long, extensive letter to my parents. I don't remember what I wrote. But I know I did not say anything in regards to my wolf self. I pleaded them not to search for me. And I begged them to forget. I cried for my parents' grief. I mourned for the self-inflicted doubt they bestow upon themselves. I grieved for the times that they will think I will come back. But I needed to be far without harming them or others. I needed to be far to howl to the heavens without suspicion or alarm. I needed to be far to have the wind graze between my fur. I needed to be far, so no one will recognize my brown eyes.

I traveled away from the Eastern Coast into the Appalachian Mountains, pass the Ohio Valley, up some parts of the Mississippi River, through the vast forests and fields of the Midwest, across Idaho. I realized I was only one state away to the West Coast. Without using my speed, it took me six years. What have I learned? That every wolf I have encountered, my heart hummed in hope but disappointed when I discovered they were normal wolves. I became more aware and wearisome that I was truly alone.

Six years as a wolf further divided me from the humanity I once was submerged in. I never wondered if I had aged or changed in appearance. My light brown dappled coat was all I knew. Eating raw animals was a necessity. I neither cringed or enjoyed it. It was as arbitrary as breathing. Thankfully as a wolf, most humans and animals avoided my presence. Even the normal wolves sensed my difference and my larger size. I was hoping through my journey, I would find peace and solace. Yet not only did I not belong to the human world but the animal world as well. Right now, I feel more removed from myself. I am giving up hope.


	3. Who is the Real Animal?

From the edge of the woods, I saw the "Welcome to Washington." I ducked my head low as I slowly trotted down a hill. The only partial feeling I had was I like the weather. Cold and wet. Less encounters with life. I headed in no particular direction. I had no destination or preference. I did not pay attention to my senses, I adapted to ignore them. So when I saw the pale man in front of me, I didn't even notice him beforehand. He stood with entitlement yet his face conveyed confusion.

"What? No growl? No calling of the troops?" What was he talking about it? He didn't notice, well much less cared about my size or my ability to understand him.

I began to utilize my nostrils and he did not smell like a person or any living thing. However, I have not been close to a human for many years. The pale man got more perturbed by my lack of interest and action.

"You are a peculiar one." I turned my back on him, unamused.

"I wonder how you will taste." The pale man jumped on my back and sank his nails into my skin. I barely made a sound and bucked him off and walked away. He again pierced with his nails into me but this time threw me forty yards away. Now, I know a human cannot do that. Both of my right paws could not support my weight. He broke my legs. In a second, he was beside me squatting in taunt.

"You have no fight, do you? You will be a boring meal after all." I just lay there, accepting. I could have bite, try to move, or even snarl. But what is the point? My mental self was barely held to this earth by my physical one. And with its current waning status, perhaps it will end my tortuous state of being. I admit I did not propose this kind of release, but beggars cannot be choosers. This man was feeding my blood. This ironic sight had me wondering, who is the real animal?

My weight seemed to fade. My breaths barely expelled. I just stared to the front of me to this view. It looked like one of those paintings adorned on a wall in a cabin. If this was the last image I would have, I would be content with that.

However, it was not. A stampede of blurred colors rushed to my direction. I heard multiple growls. The cold hands and mouth of the pale man was stripped away from my fur. Whatever beasts they were, had the man dismembered by the sounds of skin rips and flaps. Soon enough, it was quiet. Or perhaps my distal organs are fading. My eyes were focused on the closest grass blades in front of my eyes. They say green is the most difficult color to perceive, probably the color you would remember best.

But those individual shards of emerald foliage were crushed underneath a human foot. It was not pale. Therefore, it was not the pale man. The brown feet balanced onto the balls and toes and I saw knees squatted into view. The legs were very muscular. I was able to raise my eyes up to a broad chest with equal definition.

The person hunched his back more to allow me to see a face. A man who could have been my peer, age wise. His short, black hair styled by the careless wind. His eyes were bronzed orbs with streaks of gold like a solar eclipse. His pupils widened as if I could fall into the vast darkness. His chest inhaled a great breath but exhaled with stumbles. He planted his hands to the ground to steady his sudden loss of balance. Did he just realize I was an over-sized wolf? Or something else?

He moved his hand forward in front of the other and allowed his knees to touch the saturated dirt. His hand then rose in the air with slow intention. His two fingers next to his thumb and glided next to my nose up the side of my muzzle to my cheek bone to the corner of my eye. It was a tender gesture of mercy from a stranger. My eyelids rolled over my vision like a theater curtain. I felt a grab at my face with a shake.

I could not tell if my hearing came back or I was hearing things but I heard "No, no, stay awake. Please, don't go." The voice and breath were louder. I felt his lips touch my ear.

"I need you. Wake up."

I felt myself drowning in a black unknown, slowly drifting.

"Fight for me. I love you."

Then, I thought I heard a mourning howl from a wretched soul. This howl reverberated something in me, or my whole self. This vibration or hum kept getting louder and slower. I felt this movement, a stir. I felt my body twitched for a moment. I sensed like an electric spark igniting an overdose of impulses. It hurts so badly. I struggled like breaking a water's surface for… air? My lungs burned. My mind felt like a supernova. What is happening? I was scared. Was this dying? Whatever it was, I wanted it to stop.

The only thing I could do was howl a "Stop!" The pain lessened. It was quiet.

It was bright compared to the darkness. Somehow, the light started to separate in colors. I saw blue, white, brown. Then, I saw green, that green I saw before. The blurs sharpened to definite shapes. Grass? I felt the tingle as the wind combed through my fur.


	4. Vulnerable & Dangerous at the Same Time

"She's awake." I heard a different voice. Who? I was confused. I did not know if I was safe or in danger, alive or dead, me or something else. My head was cradled once more by the face. Two glistened paths from his eyes reflected by the sun on his face. I took his comforting strokes as a sign that I was safe. His eyes hardly blinked.

"We need to move her now. She needs help," a stern voice contrasted my consoler's.

"Brady, run to the Cullen's and inform Dr. Cullen of the situation. Jacob, Embry, Seth, Leah, and I will carry her to my truck at the Clearwater's."

"No one will notice a huge ass wolf in the bed of your truck."

"We don't have time for discussion, Seth." I felt many hands on me. I whimpered to have them let me be. I was turned to my good side and hoisted into the air. I was exhausted trying to comprehend what was going on but abruptly fell into a slumber.

My eyes opened when I felt an artificial surface underneath me and loud bangs of… car doors?

"Hey." The face popped in my view, he stroked my fur. I felt the truck rumbled like an old dragon and began to move. The roads were not tamed by pavement by the bumps and dips I painfully felt. The man tried to help with the shocks but I yelped every time.

"I'm sorry, but you need to get help, fast." He showed frustration as he glanced to the driver. I was temporarily relieved when the truck halted. As the rusty tailgate dropped, I knew I was going to be moved, again.

"Hello, Sam Uley. If you can please, bring her around the back." Another pale man? I felt myself being placed onto a picnic table.

"It would help immensely if she could change back to human form, I am more of an expert in that type of anatomy." I heard metal ring and bang against each other on a separate table.

The familiar man soothed with his hand to get my attention, "Can you change back please? I, and we want to help you so much." Change? What? They all waited a few moments and nothing happened.

"Don't be afraid of us," a high pitched voice said.

"She's not afraid, Alice." A young, copper haired man responded.

"Then what is it?" the squealish voice pursued.

The contemplative brunette slowly released, "She doesn't know… how."

"WHAT?!" my consoler exacerbated.

"Edward, she's one of us, she has to know how to…" Brady countered.

"She's been this way for a long time, years. Her point of view is not human."

"Her paws are very worn. We can't even pick up her link. She doesn't even act human. Remember Taha Aki's great grandson, Naran. He fell in love with his wolf spirit and was a wolf for decades. When his mother was dying, he decided to change to see her for the last time. He tried but couldn't return to a human. He spent his remaining life as a wolf on the outskirts of man's world," this Sam Uley babbled.

"No, she can. She's just tired and beat up and confused as hell and…" he petted my head as encouragement.

Sam raised his hand, "I'm not saying she can't but Edward said he couldn't find any recent human thought. If she can, it will be hard and it will take time."

"I will do my best to cure her of her injuries. Her healing already is aiding the process," the pale man concluded.

A younger blonde stood with a perplexing countenance. "What is the matter, Jasper?" the high girly voice spoke.

"She is very sad. She feels alone. She is weary of her existence…"

"Shut up!" My savior grabbed the pale boy's collar.

"Can't you change it?" his apparent lover asked.

"I can't. These emotions have been practically engraved in her. Such strong emotions."

"After I have splinted her legs, you may take her home," the pale man delicately handled me like glass.

"Thanks, Dr. Cullen."

"Sam, I do expect a follow-up visit, not only for her body's sake but the psychological findings as well."

"Yes, I appreciate your efforts. Let's go." The hands again bore my weight back to the truck. "Where will she stay?" a tanned female studied me.

"Emily and I will look after her."

I heard a man growl in apprehension. "Embry, she is vulnerable and dangerous at the same time. I will not risk the pack or any people over your imprinting."

"What? Is that true Embry?" a voice muffled inside the truck's cabin.

"Yeah, Jacob, I did," his defensive tone bit the air.

"You know how to pick them," the young voice chided.

"Seth!" Sam warned, "Embry, you may stay at my home. But you still have patrol duties." Embry silently nodded his gratitude.


	5. Human or Not

The pack helped me once more off the truck. "Emily!" Sam bellowed.

"Sam? What's up?"

"Get some of the old towels or blankets and bring them into the backyard, hon."

"Okay?" Emily entered the house. I was placed onto the pile of fabric on my good side. My eyes were opened but I did not bother to look at them. I heard fading steps but two were still present.

"I'm going to get her food from Andy's (Butcher Shop). You can watch her til I get back," Sam left without hesitation.

I learned their names only by hearing them talking to one another. Embry was the last and first man I saw during my struggle of life. Since he posed no threat, I started to daze and fall asleep until he spoke.

"Can you hear me? I mean, understand me?" he softly pled. I exhale and opened my eyes. He sat Indian-style in front of my face. "My name is Embry…. I wish I knew what yours was. Maybe I could give you a nickname until I figure it out, kay?" He took my silence as permission rather than ignoring. "I don't want to call you girl or buddy because you're not a dog… Can I call you love? I think that's appropriate human or not," he smiled at his words.

He started to pet my head, "So listen up Love, you are safe here. Surrounded by those who will protect and care for you. You are so special and precious to me and to us… I wish I was Edward right now, I want to know what you're thinking."

As I stared indifferently to the setting sun, Embry lie next to me occasionally rubbing my uninjured paw. "Hey Embry, I made extra dinner if you want some," Emily opened the back door.

"Thanks Em, but I don't want to…"

"I'll sit with her, I'm done eating."

"Okay, but if she starts…" he stood hesitantly pivoted his foot to the house and to me.

"I'll let you know Embry, don't worry." Emily replaced his spot and smoothed out her skirt onto the grass, "Hi, I'm Emily, Sam's wife. I hope you're feeling better…. About Embry, he's a good guy. Very caring and sensitive. But strong and determined. But he needs some assurance, like all men do. It encourages them to keep doing the right things and be whole. So, I know this is a strange situation but if you could somehow tell, er show him something, anything. It would mean the world to him."

"Embry, that was the fastest eating I have ever seen. I better find an empty plate," Emily quickly diverted her "girl talk."

"Well, believe me, you don't have to yell at me about an empty plate." Emily softly smiled to the new wolf and went inside. "Hello Love, did you miss me?" What? Was that five minutes too long? "Don't worry, Sam will be back with your dinner." Embry stretched on his back on the ground, "I have a lot of questions for you. Not that I'm interrogating you but I… I want to know what you're like and what you like and shit like that." He brought a piece of paper into attention from his pocket. "So, I'm going to write them when they pop in my head, ya know? Because I won't be able to remember them all. Number one, your name. Number two, age. Number three, where you're from."

"Two steaks medium rare," Sam called out. Embry instantly jumped up and took the serving dish from him. The plate was set before me like an offering. Normally, I would probably dive in but I was tired and weak. I turned my head away to display my rejection.

"What's the matter? Is there something wrong with it? Can I make it better for you?" his deep breaths leaked his hidden frustration. I'm not hungry, leave me alone. "Well, I'm not going to leave until you eat, I don't care." Obviously, you do. Why does this man care? I'm not a weird freak of nature that should be kept like a house pet.

So, I began eating as fast as I can and looked up at him expectedly. Embry blew air out of his nose like a train coming to a final halt. He perceived my intentions and abruptly went inside. I rested my head on the cement patio about to sleep when I heard them.

"Calm down Embry!"

"She hates me!"

"No, she doesn't, she just doesn't know you."

"Bullshit! I told her I won't leave until she eats. You know what she did?! She ate those steaks in two minutes flat and looks at me, waiting."

"Be patient. How many times do we say not to bombard imprints with everything in the beginning? And that's for a normal girl. You need to be extra slow because she's one of us, and the fact she can't communicate back."

"I know, I know. Man, I thought Quil had problems with a toddler."


	6. God Smacked

I fell asleep finally and the outdoors was peaceful. I had to admit that it was nice to sleep on a blanket. I woke up lifted my head off the ground and surveyed my surroundings in daylight. Then, I noticed Embry slouched on a lawn recliner. Did he sleep there all night? With no blanket or coat? I did feel a bit remorse for sending him away last night.

He woke up as if he was listening to my inner thoughts. He rubbed his eyes as the pink sun fades to yellow. Embry sat up and winced at his back. He twisted his himself to rotate his upper body until a crack popped. "Good morning. Thought you could rid of me, huh? Don't worry it'll take more than a few steaks to get me going again." I yawned and looked around at myself. Can I move? The splints were still on.

As I propped my front two legs, I felt confident in bearing weight. Then, I had raised my back good leg to help share the balance. As I place the fourth paw onto the ground, there was a slight stiffness emulating through my bones.

"Thank God," Embry looked proud as doe looking at her new fawn. I try to move but the wraps of bandages prohibited free range of motion. I started to teeth my front wrap and I heard Embry shove the chair.

"Okay, okay hold on. But the second you start limping, these go back on." Some of my fur was flattened by the bindings. I thoughtfully stretched to wake my abused muscles and to have my fur expand to catch the air.

There was no point trying to thank him or the others since I couldn't speak. So, I scanned my eyes briefly to any coverage or woods. There were many angles I could use. I inhaled through my nostrils and dashed. Honestly, it would have been foolish if he thought he could keep me as a pet. The pattern of my gallops matched my heartbeat. I did not look back because I knew I would have seen a god smacked man seeing an abnormally fast wolf beeline into the green.

I eased my pace when I was getting into the thicker part of the woods. I have not sprinted like that since…. My mind unforgivably stopped as I purposefully searched for a reference in my memory. I heard the swooshing and trickling of water. I followed the tranquil sound and found a creek. I surveyed my surroundings before I lower my head to the edge. As I was washing the waves of water down my arid throat, I heard the leaves shift around.

I picked up my head and saw wolf. Not just a plain wolf, not a matching size, but a bigger wolf. Its reddish brown fur practically blended with the tree barks behind him. It sat there with its eyes pinched as if it was concentrating on something.

I slowly trotted along the creek to reach the other side where the other wolf was remaining. He stood on all of his legs and turned around started to jog away. Wait! Don't go! I followed him but kept a noted distance to not intrude. The trees and odors were familiar but I stopped when I saw the auburn wolf retreat to a man, Embry. The wolf stood in front of Embry.

"Thanks," he rubbed the wolf's head in a sloppy movement. That wolf belonged to him? Maybe he thought since he tamed that one he could subdue me. Or perhaps, he thought I…. You gotta be kidding! I hunched and projected my shoulders and growled in aggression. My heart became steadfast. If he thinks he could just force me to breed, just so he could sell odd wolves by the side of the road. Both the wolf and Embry became confused with my sudden turn of emotion. I backed away not in fear but in a high state of alert. I turned ready to pull the trigger on my leg muscles. But my shaky hand idled by what I saw.


	7. Just Wolfing Around

Eight other wolves watched me. They were various colors and sizes but all had the same countenance. Did Embry own all of them? Perhaps since I showed opposition, they are not as tolerant of my presence. I felt trapped. If they were normal wolves, I could out run or even fight them.

All of these years, I wondered if there was just one like me, and I found in eight fold. I started to circle to guard myself all around. When I saw the russet wolf again, I didn't see Embry. Another wolf though was along the first one.

His scent was familiar and incomparable except for Embry? I looked to his eyes and saw those solar eclipse like orbs gently shining into my own. His fur streaked with black, grey, and white. The mottled colors contrasted the warmness of his eyes. So…. Embry is one too? I felt foolish dashing before he or anyone else could explain. But the embarrassment did not display because I was still defensive against nine wolves now.

By an unspoken force, the wolves descended onto the ground on their underbellies. What were they doing? I glanced back at Embry because if anyone was going to grant armistice, it would be him. He was on the ground as well, but his ears were flattened. Then, he dropped his head upon his front paws. I hope that this was not a ploy to catch me off guard.

We were stationary like the great pines around us. The only indication of time and motion was the sunlight. Whatever sun that wasn't lost through the labyrinth of leaves glittered as broken golden mosaics on the forest floor. Every time there was a breeze, some would fade and others rekindled.

Despite the calm aura, my rapid thoughts tried to dictate my next decision and action. Somehow Embry's pleading eyes held a pull. They did care for me. So, I sat down and dipped my head down to show my choice to stay with this pack. The black wolf approached and familiarized my scent. His acceptance pleased the others as they joined this initiation.

Embry came last. As he sniffed and snorted around me, I heard a low purr. I did not turn to face him but I knew he was right over my shoulder. I froze when I felt him grazed my side with himself (AN- A wolf may rub its scent onto a new inducted member). I think he was trying to calm me or something. He stood in front of me with a wagging tail. It is too bad that a wolf cannot smile because mine would be there.

I followed them as they leaped over fallen trees and wove around boulders. We returned at Sam and Emily's house. I noticed how some of them fell back to phase back into their other forms. "Hey," a soft beckoning made my ear twist then my head to the caller.

He was about to continue when the Alpha interjected, "You should have told me when you were taking off the bandages." He paced about Embry.

"I didn't think it would've mattered," Embry looked down. If he had his tail, I know where it would be tucked.

"She's foreign to us and this land. Did you think she was going to chill back and accept? We gave her no explanation or try to figure her out and you thoughtlessly released her either to harm people, be hunted, lost, or be gone forever."

"I'm sorry. I was just relieved to see her healed. I know I put the pack, people, and her at risk. Whatever punishment you give, I'll take."

Sam stood closer and place his hand on Embry's shoulder, "Your self-inflicted worry is enough. But you need to tell her about us and THEM. Show's over, everyone back to your whatever you were doing." Humans and wolves dispersed in different directions.

"Come on Love, time for a talk, but first I'm starving. Hey Sam?"

"Yeah?"

"Can we let her hunt to eat? I appreciate getting her some but needs to get oriented with La Push, some physical therapy, getting to know her better..."

"Sure, just be back before the night shift. I don't want to worry about two more out there." "Thanks."

Embry looked to me, "Meet me by the edge there, kay? I'll show you around." I conferred over to the Alpha with my eyes. He nodded. I trotted to the edge and looked back to see where Embry was. He was following me as a wolf. He kept shifting face, neck, and attention to me and himself. He yipped and proceeded to the woods. The increased eight-beat rhythm echoed nearby as we traveled along. I did discover new scents and trails. Embry stopped abruptly and I paused in sync. Embry hummed a bit and nudge with his nose to a specific direction.

An immature doe grazed in the modesty of the brush. I crouched low to avoid detection. It has been a day since I ate. My salivary glands started to release the digestive enzymes in anticipation. I gained distance as I snaked quietly. I paused often to make sure I haven't disturbed the doe's ears. I was behind a rock and I can smell the proximity. I retracted my back legs to coil as much kinetics I could.


	8. A Lovely Nap

As I was shredding my hunt, I notice Embry was not near. But I still heard his heartbeat on the wind. After silencing the hunger part of my brain, I lead myself to the familiar stream. After another quench, I stared at my reflection. The uneven rocks below the surface conducted swirls and waves to create a hazed image like a mirage. It is strange to see my reflection knowing I have another one that I have not seen in years.

Why am I thinking this now? Is it because the others can change so willfully that I feel insubordinate? Do I dare heavily depend on them for any relations in my lifetime? My mind was getting lost in this quandary of questions. I almost scared myself when Embry's human reflection hung close to mine.

"Sorry, I wanted to see what you were looking at," he retreated behind and sat down. Embry snapped open a cooler. "Emily packs food in these, so if we have a long patrol, we won't starve, you know?" He smiled as he unwrapped the first portion of a sandwich. "Emily is great at making food. She actually taught me a lot so I don't have to depend on her. So, maybe one day I could cook..."

Embry stopped and looked up from his food. His eyes were on me and I knew what he was about to say. "Sorry Love, I can get caught up talking to you that I forget you're..."

A dog? An animal? A shape shifter who can't shift? My facial expression clues him to him as to what I was thinking.

"Sorry. Honestly, it's not you. I'm just lousy to talking to girls in general. Between trying to keep secrets and fear of imprinting, you can understand how hard it is to relate to anyone outside your pack."

At least he has a pack. My head dipped down to my front paws. "No pack, huh? You're really brave since you're, were on your own. That's something I can't even phantom if I didn't have any of them. Sam would know because he was the first. But it's nice to know you're not the only one. You're not a random mishap or bizarre freak."

I laid there silently to listen. "But we do have something special because we are both shifters. That's a first in the pack. I was always afraid to be with a normal girl. I mean, trying to explain all of this to a clueless chick is earth shattering. Like hey, I'm Embry, I'm a wolf, there are some vampires, and then I im..." he caught himself.

I lazily thumped my tail of the grass. It sounded like a broom sweeping. "Listen, I hope you don't quit on this. If it takes weeks, months, years, I don't care I'll be around to help you." He was referring to my changing back. The sun slain me into a slumber. I felt the warmth cocoon me into a peaceful bliss. I relieved my alertness. Again, my memory deserted me when I try to remember a time I felt as safe.

Time trespassed into reality. How much of it expired, I can't tell. My eyes gently open and sprung to life like a Morning Glory. Yes, I was with Embry here as he was talking at me. Where did he go? He always told me when he came and went. I snorted to loosen the stale air in my nose. As I attempted to lift my head, I felt an opposing weight on my neck. I etched my head at best to see this added pressure.

It was Embry's lupine head. The black that lined his eyes sealed those gold lustered precious stones. His body uniformed behind me. His black spots were not really spots in this close view. They weren't separate colors. They were more like white caps of waves that blended with no contest into and out of sight. His head was more rounded and broad. Embry's shoulder were pronounced and his paws rough and massive. My fur by his nose seesawed with every inspiration and expiration by my scruff.

All these minute details hypnotized my heart rhythm. The sun is burning to a red. Sam, the Alpha wanted us back before dark. But how do I wake him? It proves to be more difficult to wake someone from behind without being abrupt. I started to whine to alert him subtly. He returned with a purr glided his head deeper into my fur of my neck. His nose actually touched my skin. Embry's nose excited my nerves under my skin. Okay, not the response I was expecting. I whined again. I retreated my head so my snout was under his chin.

I started to nudge him with my whines. A deep exhale steamed out with a yawn. Embry lifted his head on his own and rolled his neck around. I flattened my ears in apology and submission for upsetting his slumber. He purred and nipped my ear to pull it up. I relaxed my ears forward and he licked the spot he pulled. We stared at one another for a moment. He cocked his head to side. I looked to the sun to try to have him understand. He nodded. I rose from dark soil to stretch and shake the loose earth from the fur. Embry copied but also belted a half hearted silly yawn.

He rubbed his shoulder to mine. Why does he keep rubbing me? His tail winding around like a propeller. He sniffs me for a bit. He barks playfully and gets antsy. I think he wants us to run back. I started to dash before him knowing he would follow. On the way, more shadows leaked onto the ground. The day creatures were silencing while the nocturnal begin to thrive in song. All I cared was Embry and I were going home.


	9. An Embry Nap

I wasn't disgusted with my imprint's hunt. I mean, this is the way she survived for all these years. But I figured if she's eating, might as well join in the dining. My nose led the way literally to one of Emily's camouflaged coolers. We usually bury them or hide them in some way so people wouldn't accidently stumble upon them. And I know Emily's savory masterpieces would be hard to refuse. The ironic part is sometimes we forget where we put them.

As soon as I saw that rotting hollowed tree stump, I picked up the pace to the covered cuisine. As much as I liked to devour it, I got to get back to Love. So, I bounced my steps as if I was walking on a trampoline. The ground carpeted by broken vegetation and dying life splattered landscape with browns, greens, and greys.

Every action that I commit to, is determined by her. Whether to fight, to protect, to love, to die, every judgement and decision revolves around her. It gives me ease to have such a clear objective in life. And my life was a pestilent child that keeps asking why. I have the ultimate answer that would silence all future whys. Love.

Speaking of, she was looming over the stream with such hypnosis. I was curious what held her captivation and was slightly envious. I leaned over her to peer down her gaze. Love was looking down at herself. What could she possibly be thinking of? I saw her lost eyes and she radiated confusion. Oh Love, we'll figure this out. She shifted her eyes and they popped with surprise. Oops, "Sorry, I wanted to see what you were looking at." Easy Embry, let's give her some personal space. I backpedaled a bit until I plopped down.

I thumbed opened the cooler and heard the plastic burp. "Emily packs food in these, so if we have a long patrol, we won't starve, you know?" Someday, we can have these little picnics while on patrol. I unzipped a ziploc bag holding a sandwich. I didn't know I was smiling until my lips readjusted to bite into Emily's creation. I swallowed unchewed bites. "Emily is great at making food. She actually taught me a lot so I don't have to depend on her. So, maybe one day I could cook..." I had to pulled the reins on my flighty thoughts. I don't want to add pressure for her shifting back.

"Sorry Love, I can get caught up talking to you that I forget you're..." Her eyes translated a reply. A sudden guilt was a blow to my heart. "Sorry. Honestly, it's not you. I'm just lousy to talking to girls in general. Between trying to keep secrets and fear of imprinting, you can understand how hard it is to relate to anyone outside your pack."

Seriously, no one knows how invasive girls' questions are until you have something to hide. Who are your friends? Who's your dad? What do you do? Why are you barely wearing clothes? Why aren't you wearing clothes? Are you avoiding me? Why don't you want to hang out? Are you seeing someone else? Why are we breaking up?

My self-pity vanished when she hung her head. I should really think before I speak. "No pack, huh? You're really brave since you're, were on your own. That's something I can't even phantom if I didn't have any of them. Sam would know because he was the first. But it's nice to know you're not the only one. You're not a random mishap or bizarre freak." And she's the least of them. The Tribe Gods had crafted a supreme art of a being. Just for me.

"But we do have something special because we are both shifters. That's a first in the pack. I was always afraid to be with a normal girl. I mean, trying to explain all of this to a clueless chick is earth shattering. Like hey, I'm Embry, I'm a wolf, there are some vampires, and then I im..." Imprinting. Shit, I think I said it before. I hope she didn't catch that. Geez Embry, enough of these awkward moments and say what you really mean. "Listen, I hope you don't quit on this. If it takes weeks, months, years, I don't care I'll be around to help you."

I let the comfortable silence carry on. I leaned back on an elder redwood. Weather and erosion created wrinkles in time on its large trunk. Grooves which commanded raindrops into certain pathways until they rest beneath the bark.

Love nestled into the ankle high wild grass as the sun gleamed. Her fur compared to Jacob's and Seth's, was in the middle like a medium toffee brown with white flecks. Like a cup of toffee sprinkled with sugar. Soft and sweet like her. Claire would love her like teddy bear. Love's eyes had velvet blurs of brown encapsulated in her irises. No harsh lines or stabs of colors like a cold mosaic. Only molten cognac that I can get drunk from.

A high whinny exhaled from her nose as she shifted on her back in the sun. I chuckled with a grin seeing her front paws posed in the air with her belly up. What is she dreaming? She rolled back over in minutes. I stood up towering to my full height. My bones cracked like old stone. My body weighed down with muscle and responsibility. My inner wolf beckoned me for a release. I allowed a shiver to commence and it reverberated to my extremities.

My skin quaked and I quickly removed my shorts to avoid another ripped pair. I dispersed my spirit into air. My former hands landed on the ground stirring the dust around my paws. I licked my extra sensitive nose. As I look down to Love, I feel closer to her this way. I notice when I was a wolf before, our imprint connection intensified. Perhaps because we are peers like this. A luring pull reeled me closer and I collapsed myself behind her.

She moved but didn't wake. The bright sun aggravated my sharp eyes and I closed them in comfort. My head felt heavy and I lowered it on her soft, billowy fur. Even Leah's fur didn't hold the same refinement. I'm laying on a cloud of silk. It didn't matter what happened to me in the past. The pack fights, vampire battles, loneliness, near death, all those things that had robbed me of a simple teen and adult life are overshadowed but worth it to have found my imprint.

During my sleep, I heard Love whine. Was she cold? A bad dream? Hush my darling. My mother used to say to me. Hush, I purred and consoled her with a cuddle with my nose. I buried my nose until I found her actual skin and took a greedy inhale. I felt her skin pimple under my snout to my satisfaction. Love though, bumped her muzzle under my neck with more whines. She would have barked or more if there was danger.

So, I took my time with lazy yawn. I stretched my head up. I looked down at my heart and she looked nervous. I couldn't ever be mad at her. Even I had a rough night and slept just for four minutes, anything to see her. I grumbled affectionately and teethed the tip of her ear to have her straighten up. She should never feel inferior. I kissed her ear. We exchanged gazes. Love looked away but trying to get mine to hers. The setting sun? Sam's order began to nag my conscience. I nodded and got up with her to wake up our napping bodies. I bellowed a yawn/whine.

I trotted next to Love and I grazed my right side on her left. I can't hug her or hold hands in this form but I wanted to show her some affection before we go. Wanting to make sure we get back in time, I revved up a bark and started to buck around. She dashed ahead in compliance and I follow her without hesitation. For wherever she goes, I go. Love is my heart. And I won't stray from it.


	10. Mental Hangover

2 MONTHS LATER

The deciduous trees wept their autumnal tears which pooled, shattering brown, yellow orange, and red across the ground. The winds violently caressed these tears away. The shameless greens that elicited appeal and youth began to retreat into a quieter modesty. Most animals appeared less in the daily realm. The birds long gone with their summer song. The sun was lazy in its awakenings and quick in its slumbers.

The moon thrived in the chill of the night. No heat of haze to softened the circular shape or soggy clouds to cover. Defined constellations mapped the unending tapestry woven into the midnight thread of night. Thin veils of moisture glide over but permit the celestial glow with full conviction. Bare, scarred trees reached their skeletal arms up to the only beauty left in this dying phase of life. They plead with withered hands to return its mercy.

I am beginning to adjust in La Push. I can recognize the friends and families easily by scent, sound, or sight. Colin's unyielding peanut butter breath, Jared's bent left ear, Jacob's smirk, Emily's stained apron, Paul's growls. These are a few of many exact details that have chiseled into my memory. The event which I felt most trusted was when Quil introduced Claire to me. She was five years old. I felt reluctant because I didn't know how much she understands about all of this.

Embry stood in front of me as he was delivering a pep talk. I heard the grind of gravel and peaked my ears to full attention. "Hey," he exhaled. I looked back to him. "Don't be nervous. Claire has seen us as wolves before and she loves it. I know you'll be great." He took three steps closer and halted. His uncertain hands and arms twitched. Embry was still trying to figure out displays of affection when it comes to human to wolf relations. I understand. He sighed a hidden thought. He stroked me behind my right ear.

"Embry!" Quil bellowed as he closed the back porch door. He was holding a little bundle of a girl.

"Hey Quil. Hiya Claire," Embry jogged up to them, "So is she okay with this?"

"Oh yeah, I told Claire we found another wolf like us and we went over again how to behave around them, right Claire Bear?"

"Uh-huh." she almost touched her chin to her chest she nodded.

"Do you think she's okay with this?" Quil bobbed his head to my direction.

"Yeah, just a little worried is all," Embry stuffed his hands in his pockets.

"Okay Claire," Quil plopped her on the ground, "we are going to meet Embry's special friend."

"What's its name?" Claire mittened hand clasped Quil's bare one.

"Well, it's a girl. And we haven't figured out her name yet, so her nickname is Love."

"Like me, Claire Bear," she began to walk with Quil and Embry behind them.

"Yup, come on booger," Quil teased. Claire took three steps to Quil's one step. I lowered myself to the ground as flat as I can. I even pressed my head down and remained still. Embry came to me first and sat next to me. "You can lift your head. She's not afraid of you." So, I did.

"Love this is Claire. Claire, Love."

Claire let go of Quil. "Hi Love, you have pretty fur, can I pet you?"

Without vocabulary, I submerged my nose under her mitten. Even through thick wool, I smelt oreos and crayola markers.

"Cool," Claire stroked me like an equestrian brushing her mare. "Quil, can I take my mittys off?"

"Sure, um why? It's kind of cold out."

"Just when I pet her, please?"

"Okay, just because she'll keep your hands warm."

"Duh..." Claire reasoned. The smell of cookies and markers intensified. "She feels soft like my stuffed wolf, Peter."

"Yup, she does Claire," Embry agreed. Quil left with Claire before their dinnertime.

"You were great with Claire," Embry commended. I snorted with a thought that it wasn't hard to tolerate a personal groomer/masseuse. "I could tell Quil was comfortable. He didn't flinch or hover. He trusts you," Embry added.

I did feel relieved that the brother wolf approved. They have done so much for me already. Emily sewed a durable quilt for me to sleep on. Sam and the others guided me through the territories. The other imprints try to include me in the social setting. Key word is try. I still couldn't go to the infamous bonfires, certain houses, the beaches, or any plain sight. Plus with the one-sided communication, there is only so much to say without being redundant.

Sam did explain the imprinting explicitly. So, I know Embry had very keen interest for my well-being. I knew though, Embry was responding to the lack of connection of the imprinting. His subtle but detectable sighs grieved as he watched the wolves/imprints conversations. Gestures and displays of affection reminded him of what we couldn't do. I felt guilty that he was burden with a defective imprint. They said that the wolf can be a friend, brother, or lover. They never mentioned companionship like a dog to its master. It can't work that way.

But it started to change one night as I was retiring to sleep. I suddenly felt restless and anxious. My pulse quickened with no reason or stimulation. I started to walk back to the woods to see if I can relax. My vision began to fuzz in and out of focus. A headache sprung feeling pain echoing inside my skull. My mouth dry and my stomach twisted. I collapsed down without grace. I blanked my mind forcing to sleep because that is all I can do.

I woke at dusk with a mental hangover. Ugh, what was that?

"What was what?" a different voice appeared.

"Huh?"

"Leah?"

"Uh, no?" Who was I talking to?

"You're talking to me. Wait, who's this?" he sounded anxious.

"Um, who's this?"

"Brady."

"Really?"

"Shit, wait... Love?"


End file.
